What delightful flights of fancy are conjured up every week by our local free newspaper. I imagine the reporter/editor/teaboy - all the same person, obviously, and probably a twenty-something media studies graduate, ignorant of both syntax and spelling - sitting in his office on an industrial estate here in the heart of the shires, and praying for something exciting to happen. What else can explain this gem from last year:
'Leap frogging mayor bruises tomato'?
The local worthy was clearly not a vegetable lover. The mind boggles at what he might have done with a courgette.
Perhaps in anticipation of yesterday's round of the World Superbike Championship at Silverstone, last week's paper had this stunning page three headline:
'Dinner table in speed record attempt'.
(I suppose I should be grateful for the absence of the usual page three 'big-breasted babe', featured in a certain national newspaper. Personally, I can well do without, 'Super, sexy Sharleen, 44-24-36'. And how can anyone have those measurements and still stay vertical?)
Sadly, I didn't read the accompanying story and can only hope there will be a follow-up. After all, if an item of local furniture sets the world land-speed record, I think we should be told.
I can't wait for next week's edition.